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A map can do a lot of things.  It can lead you to where you want to go but it can also give you a better understanding of where you are right now in this very moment.  In his research, marriage expert Dr. Gottman introduces the concept of love maps. He emphasizes the need to establish and continue to update love maps.  My understanding of a love map is an interest in and knowledge of your spouse and their life and interest. T
A few years ago, Joe and I took a marriage class that was offered after church.  I am sure that everyone thought we were having problems, because I was the first to sign up.  We weren’t, but I look for and appreciate any help to make my marriage better and stronger.  The teacher of the class was a marriage and family therapist and went over many of the Gottman principles, including love maps.  He had given us a copy of questions to help us build and maintain our love maps. Each day Joe and I would answer one of the questions via email from work.  It was a great exercise and I believe helped us to build stronger bonds.

But that was a couple of years ago and we sometimes forget to connect in the mess and fury of life. The biggest challenge to building love maps has been finding the time and energy.  We seem to have a severe lack of both.

Let's look at today,  we both had it off work so we were looking forward to having some down time.  Instead we woke up and went to help our recently widowed friend pull up some stumps she couldn’t do on her own.  (Let's not talk about the fact that our yard needs so much work.) Then we stopped by the grocery store, took the kids on a hike, took Anders to get a haircut, went to give a blessing to a kid who has strep throat, ran to buy white shirts with Kohl’s cash because it was about to expire, and now I am working on my homework while Joe makes hot dogs for dinner.  After dinner, dinner and laundry await. Today’s been kind of a slow day actually. By the time the kids are in bed and Joe and I have a second to be alone we are exhausted and can barely do anything but sink into the couch and watch Netflix.

Today was a little different though.  I was reminded of the importance of building my love map and with this reminder I made efforts while hiking, driving, and cooking to connect.  Asking and then listening may seem like little things but they can help you know where you are on your map.

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