I  hope I am wrong about this, but I think that every couple has their issue.  A gridlock issue, one that comes up and will end up in a fight or at the very least some tension. The issue for Joe and me is my family.   Luckily for him, my family lives across the country from us so it doesn’t affect us too much. I think my history made the reading about creating healthy relationships with in laws and extended family really stick out to me.  

I loved Elder Ashton’s words, “Certainly a now-married man should cleave unto his wife in faithfulness, protection, comfort, and total support, but in leaving father, mother, and other family members, it was never intended that they now be ignored, abandoned, shunned, or deserted. They are still family, a great source of strength, a refuge, a delight, and an eternal unit.”

Joe loves to make the joke that I would make the perfect wife, if I was an orphan without siblings.  He says it in jest but I think he may really mean it deep down. (Maybe not even that deep.)

I feel like when he rejects them, he rejects a part of me.  And it's a part of me that I love. I love the loudness of my family; the over the top affection and loyalty, and the pioneer heritage that is cherished with pride.  All those things annoy the crap out of Joe.

Over the years, he has softened a bit about it.  He isn’t as awful when they come to visit (which isn’t that often)   And I discovered that my visits to see them are often better without him.  I don’t force it. Mostly I just have lowered my expectations of him ever having a close relationship with my side of the family and I think that is sad.  

In less than 10 years we will be the inlaws.  I don’t want to cause stress in the lives of our children and their spouses.  In regards to that relationship, Elder Ashton said, “Wise parents, whose children have left to start their own families, realize their family role still continues, not in a realm of domination, control, regulation, supervision, or imposition, but in love, concern, and encouragement.”  

How have you navigated the extended family relationships?  What do your inlaws do or don’t do that cause you stress?

My sister-in law Christine won’t talk to my mother in law.  There has been a rift for years and years. Her husband Mark just couldn’t stand how intrusive her family was being in all aspects of their lives.  Mark and Christine needed a place to live with their five children and so my in laws moved them into their house. Then my in laws found a house for them and put money down so they could live there.  That is just one example of how my in laws have stepped in to help without anyone asking for the help.

 I remember when this all happened thinking that my in laws have such good hearts and this was just the way that they showed love.  I judged Christine and Mark pretty harshly. Then it happened to us. My in laws bought us a new dishwasher after I told them I didn’t want them to.  I just felt like they were intrusive and didn’t listen to me at all.  

Suddenly all my judgement of Christine and Mark came flooding back to me.  I decided that I could let this kind gesture wreck havoc on my relationship with my in laws or I could see it as a gesture of love, even if it was an intrusive gesture.